Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Be careful when you follow the masses. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. I never apologize. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. 173. 68. - TS Eliot. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 46. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Never let anyone waste your time twice. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. No No NOYes. Love your enemies. - George Burns. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. 165. 97. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Never judge a book by its movie. 211. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Read the first word again. 11. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Albert Einstein. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. 157. Its called tomorrow. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Your words become your actions. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. It gets toad away. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. 2. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Franklin Jones, 259. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 94. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 208. 261. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Art doesnt transform. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 17. Roy Lichtenstein What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. It will just flow naturally. 215. Ann Landers, 244. I intend to live forever. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. It takes so little to change your life! Ken Dodd Charles M. Schulz I wish my wallet came with free refills. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. 92. 232. When they go away, its a brighter day. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Youre not tequila., 5. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. No matter what I look like. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Read the first word again. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. 37. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 277. I feel great. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. I love living in my unique female body. 172. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 59. 109. 209. 188. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. 250. Run. With a cowculator. My body deserves love. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. 182. My mood swings keep life interesting. 21. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Sam Levenson Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 2. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. 135. Edward A. Murphy. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. 39. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. 22. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. Unknown. Build a bridge. 162. Because seven ate nine. It just plain forms. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 184. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Yeah, so is a grenade. A backbone. 202. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. 84. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Words have the power to make or break us. - Bob Hope. 149. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. I overcome fears by following my dreams. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. 3. Who cares about the future? I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 249. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 223. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 152. I dont suffer from insanity. "I receive what I believe.". Does it count if you say them in your mind? I am positive. 3. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. When they go away, its a brighter day. 276. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 236. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Education cost money. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. 42. 38. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. What is Mozart doing right now? They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Need to send some positive energy your way? Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. 186. Cindy from Marzahn We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. 9. 46. - Irish Saying. 3. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. 21. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 163. 185. Today is a great day. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 98. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? 58. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 40. Superwoman: single. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Sincerely, yourself. I try to see the funny side of every situation. 269. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. A wishbone. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. 9. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Funny Affirmations. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. 174. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. Actually, you dont have to imagine. My mistakes dont define me. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. 69. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 61. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 44. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 86. Bill Murray, 257. 211. 145. 171. In between, I am alive. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 22. Just like every Monday does on Earth. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 23. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 218. 4. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. 120. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 194. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Enjoy! Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 102. 217. Why cant you trust an atom? Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. Those who snore always fall asleep first. I always find something funny in every situation. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 158. 8. 1. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. In the morning, I cant get up. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. 126. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. It makes them so damned mad. I am calm, patient and at peace. 13. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! It was created to do amazing things. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Robert Bloch I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 1. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 54. 121. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. I am lazy till I get a motive. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. 206. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. 224. 86. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I am strong and getting stronger every day. Charles M. Schulz. I receive what I believe. 259. 230. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I dont care! Bill Murray Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I didnt want to interrupt her. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Albert Einstein, 190. 7. Sam Levenson. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 268. 101. 2. 97. 214. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Theres no stopping me now. I train my body. Bill Murray, 251. 26. 178. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Ben Hogan. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Chris Rock, 256. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! Bill Murray, 258. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 109. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 56. They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 139. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. 27. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 5. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Not a peli-cant. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. 278. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. 229. 185. Good morning! If only common sense were more common. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. They log in. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 9. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. 257. 20. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. I did not trip and fall. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. I did not trip and fall. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Bill Murray, 260. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 118. 63. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 143. Billy Wilder. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 269. Let me know in the comments section down below! 155. Edward A. Murphy Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. Good morning! 65. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 33. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. 103. Sincerely, yourself. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. "Today will be a great day". Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? When life closes a door, just open it again. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Albert Einstein Its called tomorrow. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. How do trees access the internet? I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Live life to the fullest. 13. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre.