Hi Kelly, I know what it feels like to go through that. My eldest 10. Its the idealistic lovethe one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children. Neither of us if ever been unfaithful so far as I know. Is evn more so when you realize how little value people place on others life and livelihood. We had our time coming our kids are bigger so we only had a couple months ago before they were at the house. The most difficult is the roommate or as you noted, sibling-like Relationship. Wife of 22 years left 2 weeks ago because she decided she was gay and had reciprocal feelings towards our best female friend. Im heartbroken and sad for out two boys who love him so much. We separated, married other people, which we both confessed to each were the wrong people. As the spouse of a narcissist, I need to be strong and educate . Any advice? You might have understandable reasons to be mentally composing your packing list. He is talking of selling the family home. His family dont know what happens prior to him arriving alone, but I feel realy awkward and dont want them to think that Im snobbing them out. Here's expert intel on why you mightve been ghosted plus what to do about it. But, it seems like that is when he is most truthful and that he is just waiting for our 13 year to grow up so that he can feel better about divorcing me. In fact they will sleep more soundly knowing we are eating out our hearts and crying ourselves to sleepover them My husband would withhold from me in many ways, not just lack of communication. Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. Shell be fine, but I will be a mess. If they're doing so out of a passion for what they do, for instance, their work can increase their life satisfactioneven improving their satisfaction at home. I work everyday to get stronger and grateful for what I do have, but the hurt is unbearable.Why didnt he just tell me he found someone else and wanted a divorce?? She mightve been young and had settled down with kids at a young age and wanted an escape, but with that Guy it wont Last and if it does she wont be Happy. You can get a new cat or dog, or you can even get a new boyfriend or girlfriend. There is a large age gap, which wasnt a problem at first, but now he works all the time and only cares about money. Professional help is available and should be sought. He said he no longer loved me and couldnt to it anymore. Well I am the adulterous turned bunny boiler. I cannot forgive her even if I want to (and I know I should) what can I do in order to surpass this? Hope this helps. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. The last thing you want to do is spend it with a happily married couple or try to entertain your child while you meet your child-free friend for coffee and a chat. (more time is spent telling your child to sit down/stop that/behave). I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. He ask me to hire someone to put his things in storage. Not everybody is Christian or catholic!!! Remember you have to guard your heart and say off the spiders web or else youll be a victim again. It feels like I have been blind sided, she didnt even give us a try to work it out. He also sleeps in another room if I pursue him or attempt to resolve anything or he leaves the house. I feel used and devastated this is one of the toughest time in my life. Im married since 11 months my wife is very sensitive and warm hearted.. Im still learning as I grow with Noah. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I dont know how youre not happy when Ive given you everything you asked for. It's pathetic, but true. College educated with jobs. I'm not more overwhelmed by my life than I was when I was still in my marriage. He refused to go to counseling. She was drugged up on pills again . Ohh they are just girls. The next day she betrayed me again and left to this other mans bed. I will admit that i have said some hurtfull things to her a long time ago.And she so has she.We have a son and when he was 2 she left me for a couple of weeks,then we got back together.then 15 years later i read some of her private messages on Facebook that she was talking to some guy. I am so hurt. Watch your dignity return. How could he just walk out? I was with her for 95% of every treatment. forgiveness and love unconditionally, but when you are the only one keeping the commandments it is hard. Know your legal rights ! She refuses to answer her phones and when I do get her mom to go there, she refuses to see our child even when I dropped off at her moms which is super close. There are not only 5 reasons a relationship ends is all Im pointing out. And when I was called up to get her. I just cant understand. Go to therapy. Meanwhile, I had no idea he was that unhappy and he made a very one sided decision to leave, without any therapy or discussion of reconciling. My husband went away on a trip with a friend and came back depressed and unhappy with his life. He said that he all of a sudden doesnt remember asking for a divorce. I cant cope with the pain of my break up. He sent the email are u serious?? My ex husband did the same thing I tried everything and nothing. After all, youre not weak for feeling this way. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is the opposite of the traditional divorce which typically comes after years of trying to . I lost it! Be we can do it. It really hurts. They are now together and I know she had feelings for him whilst we were together. I was lost. Im still not sure how he just left us like that. I tried so hard to choke it all back as I rushed out of there. three months ago my husband called me to say he wanted my daughter and I to move out so he can move his girlfriend in. I cried for you. Shes married with two children as well, and was in a comfortable marriage. Because i was not dressed for it and i am not comfortable with my body. Ive lost my wife, best friend, kids as Im not in a state to see them and daily fatherly contCt. And she doesnt. If you are married and these things happen, underlying all of it, if there is a commitment to stay the course, and do the work to overcome these sorts of issues, couples can come back from all sorts of problems. My wife and friend are not really communicating and when they said they wanted to be friends I think they wanted amicable aquanties. Then he makes late night calls and insult me when ever I tried to talk to him about it. So, if you want to give your marriage another chance,watch his simple and genuine video here. But her decision is not deadly. I will admit to being a bit of a pain Im a house wife and he would come home some nights and i would complain about something that happened at home during my day and it would cause a row because he felt as if I was always moaning at him. It was truly a mistake. I just dont want to give up because I feel like she is my other half I feel like she is the only one for me.. I found out last Friday (after him denying it over and over) that he is having an affair. He made me feel like it was me, I realized later it was not and can not believe I spent so much time allowing him to make me feel this way. He left me broke. But things with him have never been logical. Please. If you are Christian, pray for there be justice n conviction lay upon your wife heart n soul n she will come to realization her mistake as she will not receive happiness by doing wrong to others. I started loving my wife when I was 15. Admittedly, infidelity has been a factor over th years with at least 3 incidents in th past with 1 most recent being 6 months into our marriage. We did renovations at her cottage from laying new floors to painting and installing a new wood stove. Next day she goes to Illinois. This was a deliberate act carried out by those who are unethical and immoral. Marriage is a covenant and is not based on feelings. She would tell me that she doesnt love me right now or not coming back right now. We had had a very hard year and the month before he left he had told me he was unhappy and was considering leaving because he was so unhappy and I was making him miserable. I know that whatever is meant to happen will and nothing will be too much for me too handle as Im not in this alone. The intimate time with her husband was seldom and she wanted more out of life. Most days everything fine till either side of the visit. I feel completely invisible in my own home. We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. I said yes and by the way I filed for divorce. I dont think he loves me anymore. I felt we became room mates and no longer husband and wife. People need real information or else they divorce prematurely and they often go on to divorce again and again (more research!). Open the door," said my dad. Let them go find their happiness now, it sounds like its time or rather soon. Thanks Jersey girl. 4. I had them sat night and she wanted them back Sunday, I said no, I want them the 2 nights we agreed on and kept them the second night. I know that was never her intention to use me, thats just not her. I dont think I will ever be able to understand it and it scares the HELL out of me when once in a while I think I get inside of his mind what he thought process was to abuse me. Pschycopath, sociopath or narcissist, because he has no empathy, guilt, nothing, no feeling..this is hard for me to grasp, because I feel its my fault and I have fix it or me There You go!! You are definitely not alone. We told her, No, we havent noticed. She simply said, Well, he does, and walked straight out of the room. Really sounds like he is the one that will be missing out, just find yourself again. Ive never heard or read this suggested, but according to my own experience and analysis of it, I think it may have merit. When I came back to get rental I found hidden inside a mint bottle Vicodin and soma pills that were in two sets of boxes. I thought to myself what the fk? I could not allow a man to make me feel less another second! He called my 93 year old mother and told her he threw me out!! Tha t is my hope and prayer. We didnt argue, had some physical relations which I thought meant she was bisexual. Now, I see that dream, it just that, a dream. Seringes in trash can seringe wrappers in garage or in her car. I am starting to realize no matter how many of her fav mags I buy her or if I bring her flowers or chocolate cupcakes for treats constantly, she will barely even notice let alone understand how hard it is for me to choke it back and make that kind of effort again. I am humiliated, devastated and heartbroken he would replace me so quickly. Wow!!! I will never get over this, I am hurting so much. Sometimes, experiences that create lifestyle overhauls can put new, unexpected strain on relationships. Sooooo, put on your big boy pants and move the hell on. Everything felt new and unfamiliar. Hi Kelly, how are you doing these days? In love relationships between two adults, though, shared power is healthier than a one-up, one-down power imbalance. Technically, there was no reason that I should have still been in such pain yet I was. I am still here. That we argue all the time and that things werent gona change. And how the friends of a man or woman who then leaves there partner for another is accepted. Girlfriend, wife, gay, witness protection program, priesthood, something. This woman they will meet in August is the leader of the activist. Life was great than soon after he started being very mean to me yelling at me calling me names hanging up on me and than not evan coming home for days at a time. I dont know. It does not DEFINE you. This has always worked well for us. I just wish I had a reason. Thats were the acceptance came into play . I said no to moving out because a) I sole own the house and sole was paying the mortgage and B) I thought her behaviour was erratic and odd for the months leading up to her moving out plus I was getting fed up of rolling over to her whims. The guilt. Carrie and Al are actively seeking help and support. She moved in with me for several months, but had second thoughts and ended moving to one of her relatives for a few months to sort things out. I get there and she pretends like nothings wrong. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. Give your kids a Merry Christmas and an amazing role model for the new year. Your partner wasnt in love with you anymore. Can you imagine getting kicked out of your home and your husband moves someone else in and they go through your things, even my Breast Cancer medical records trying to say I could work because I survived, Im 60 and have worked since 1969!! He states he has not talked to the other women since I found out and that it was completely over when he left the first time. Because you cant fix all of these things, try to understand why he left. But I am distracted by my mothers illness. Im not saying to use self-help books as a magic pill that will solve all your problems. So take the time to accept your new life and move on with things the best way you can. Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. What about: She txts him daily and it dosent bother her that Im right there. I cry everyday and have been in bed with no desire to do anything. Thank you for your comment and for visiting the GoodTherapy blog. Unfortunately, theres little we can do about that. I took a job overseas to help the financial situation of my home. And now the most important step you can take in your journey to get over your husband: I know its hard, but you have to realize that it might be over between the two of you. In the same boat. My husband left me four and a half months ago. Respect for you and the marriage: The narcissist will side with others against you, talk behind your back about you, and all the while smile like a Cheshire cat at you. Ive no idea where he is or what hes doing. I guess she is doing just that. But I always get the brunt of their problems I am the one that is mean and I was always the one to buy them all their desires. Could it be me? How is it going with the communication now. We started to date and things moved along. he used me. No no no! Also my ex husband stole 25k. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. Dont let her make you crazy. Beg me to take you back and act like youre sorry for all that hurt, all that damage and that you would never ever again and know that will probably take another 20 years to truly believe you. At the same time, sometimes it is better to know the truth. She is looking for a new Hm and we are still all in the same house. Its not a soap opera where the wife has to feed a mans ego and blow him every night.. Anyways thanks for your comment Im angry;-/ but I need to be a good role model snd keep it together. Men can be relentless and because they do not think off of emotions like us, they tend to see ours as silly. Not sure I have the strength to recover.. Dont fall in the trap of feeling sorry for him, though. Im shutting down. From a third person view the situation looks as if a woman knew she was going to make that decision and did not have the courage to tell her husband in person . I looked everywhere and i sat outside of the area for a long time. What happened was, my ex husbands lawyer kept canceling the hearings, four months later they just dropped the case, by then I was so distraught. He probably misses the way things used to be. Hi man am so sorry to hear that even me am in the same situation last of last week i find my wife chat with guy sp when i ask her she was fighting and fighting but i cul her mum to talk with child but even kmw we still fighting so i dnt know what to do about this situation please guys i need advice she gave 27 years old and i have 29 year she have a kid i dnt have a kid, Hey Jason, Im not perfect and have owned and taken responsibility for all my faults but the blame. He apologized but, i know that he meant it. Is there something wrong with me. We fell apart in every way possible. Your partner doesnt have anything in common with you anymore. then he comes back home and is a great husband for another four months then next thing u know he leaves again . This is what she wants. That stayed off the booze with your love and support then started to lie and drink because theyre bipolar. I miss how much if a gentleman he was and how extremely romantic he can be. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. Rachel, you are the exact same age as me and my husband is the same age as yours. Scharnett-King K. (2022). Now she said she cant give me a second chance because she doesnt want to chance things going back to the way they are for her now also saying she needs to find a new man in front of the kids. I love my children and feel I am stuck between it all Surviving; my job; my children and my new love. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. Good luck if you think this fits him. Jackie I feel your pain as you know my situation. You feel criticized. Anyway, I know it takes time. With no signs no reason why just said he had to go he had to do it. My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my child seems to have just done the very same thing to me. We have split up before because he has been unfaithful and we have always got back together. all by yourself. It makes it easier to reach this point again. Im going to make what might seem a peculiar suggestion, for the sake of those who cannot get over something like this. Im sure they wouldnt like knowing she abandoned her kids. He finally said that he had met someone but that this person had nothing to do his decision was made.