Then this last week he was so stressed out and suddenly he wants to break up? I just feel like I cant do anything and I feel bad that I get mad that he isnt talking to me about anything. He is amazing and I dont want to lose him for forever. It sounds like you did a great job figuring out how to communicate with your guy. Find your own healthy coping mechanisms! So yeah, theres a time and a place for having a frank discussion and being on the same page. If you want to take a break together, let me know! On the other hand i only knew him for 2 months before we dated. He did admit hes a person who when he gets in his bad place does not want to see anyone or do anything. Im determined to change my thinking. What's more, even the wording is unclear: There's no clarification of when your partner is coming back, or how long they're leaving for. But It seems like he is relying on me to make contact but our conversations dont even last long. He apologizedI told him I would leave him over that. is my love to big for him?. So he immediately messaged me on the dating site and after a couple of messages we exchanged numbers. So I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M), for almost 3 years. His choice. It helped a lot! Tell him this behavior is extremely hurtful. Seems to be working as he is not withdrawing from me, and even opening up a bit. 17. What to do? Its most likely not about you at all. I just want to know if Im doing the right thing with giving him is space, but how do I not get mad about it though!!! "If your partner compares you to their ex during an argument, let them know that its not useful and its hurtful," Dr. O'Reilly says. Two weeks ago it got better, he started doing all the things he used to do. Were looking forward to our 6th month together :D. That sounds great :) Congrats!! He is 42 & I am 29. He is really angry that I keep bringing it up. Only [insert time amount here] left, and then youre free! This is the longest I havent heard from him, nearly 5days. I agree with this article, but still not sure. There are other cases where a relationship just wont work for someone and its better to move on to a better fit (and it sounds like this might be your case). Some people find it helpful to take a minute to regroup and calm down, so they don't explode at the other person without thinking through what they want to say. So I need your insight into what my boyfriends thinking. Now you have a new approach and a new perspective. very few things on internet make such impression on my mind. She wants him to visit her and he said he would. I give him a lot of space, and we just hang out like friends most of the time. I proceeded to call himWHICH wasnt the right thing to do, but I was stressed because tonight, of all nights, I was totally aware my dad left to cheat on my mom, so I called my boyfriend in seek of help. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 2weeks now,he told me a week into our relationship that he has a baby on the way with n ex gf,He just recently came to see me a little after his son was born he stayed with me for 3 days then went home which he lives 2 hours away from me.when he did get back home i barely herd from him he dont text me or call me like he use to,he son is premature and i know he spends a lot of time at the hospital but even when he is not there he dont bother with me, a lot of times he ignores my text messages.i did ask him last night if he really did want to be with me he tells me yes i asked him why he dont bother with me and he tells me his busy.I dont know what to do i really dont want to lose him and he also admits he is still in love with his baby momma but tells me he does not want to be with her cause she has cheated on him in the past.I texted him once today to ask how his son was no reply from him so what do i do. Found out that I have uterine cancer. So, what if pulling away is really a sign of depression? Then two days later I texted him good night I love you, and he texted, you too hun which is really uncharacteristic of him. i want to get in relationship with him but im afraid he is not willing to do that anymore. But she didnt seem that important 3 months ago when he would literally block her on snapchat and not text her just for me. I am in a brand new relationship, a little long distance but our schedules between the both of us consists of school, work, and our own kids. I welcome the male perspective. (This I didnt know) Of course with a life-altering event like this, one is going to retreat. It began in January, he got sick with pneumonia and due to the severity of it, he was placed on medical leave until everything was back to normal. He never responded to that and has given me no time frame or assurance again. What to do? Hes been pulling away for a couple weeks and has recently started going a day or two without texting me. he wanted to do it and asked me to sleep with him twice and my answer was well NO. Finally, on that same note: Dont bring up his stresses or struggles hell bring them up himself if he wants to talk about them. He knows what he is doing is wrong . "Chances are, if. Hi Eric, I enjoyed reading your article and you brought up good, reasonable points. Me, I DO take it personally because I think I deserve better treatment than that. I know he was stressed about his house & pipes bursting & being too cold. Ive been stupid and I hate myself right now. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc. Ten minutes later he phoned me back to say he couldnt do this anymore, and that a relaitionship was too stressful. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. Recently this week I asked him if he was free since we had movie plans he responded saying got home early was throwing up ,I shall talk to you tomo I responded saying ahh again ? Sarah, I pushed away a very masculine guy Id been dating because of my neediness when he pulled away. No, if the guy really cherish you and care about you and mature enough like a man, he shouldnt leave his woman high and dry out of blue anytime. Its so hard for me to fathom that if he loves me, which he says he still does, but can go MIA, not want to hang out or be sweet/affectionatehard to not take in personally. I now know what to do. I messaged him back calling him out on it, he did not reply. What does this mean and does he mean what he says? The pull-aways out of blue only damage the relationship, trigger the insecurity of both parties and break the trust that you have built with each other over time. A relationship takes two to tango and I cant force him to stay. Our wedding is in a month but one week before something major occur and boyfriend is very stress and shutting me out Usually I would love to give boyfriend space, but tomorrow is the date we meet parents for wedding! He was making pretty good money. This builds resentment in them and will eventually corrode even the most intimate relationships. Hes introduced me to his best friends through skype and even requested that when I go to a friends wedding this weekend I go without a date since he wont be able to attend with me. expensive restaurants, shows, serenading me on his guitar, flowers, telling me he was in love with me and addicted to me, flirty texts After the 5th date, I noticed that he messaged me less frequently and sometimes took days to respond. I know he needs space and time but I dont want to loose him. With that said, when a guy is under a lot of emotional or psychological stress, he will want to withdraw socially until hes figured out his situation. Moral of the story: It's so important to listen to your partner's words when you're arguing, while also seriously thinking about the "bigger picture" of the relationship as a whole. I really want him back. I know youve got a lot on your plate right now, but I can promise you this: Its going to get better. Plus, if he really loves you, he wont leave you. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. but for jenny it dsnt seem like he is trying. He replied I love you too honey. she tough it might had been bc of her period. They are close friends and i respect that. I spent last weekend with him, friday, sat, sunday. We started looking at childrens books together from our youth, and both bought childrens books. Kinda heartbreaking because we are so close. I REALLY want to be there for him but whenever it starts to get to him he doesnt want to see me. Whats the best way I can support you right now? That can lead to drain and resentment. I love him and if time or others is what he needs and makes him happier, I should let him have it. Its not that I cant (or dont) communicate. Im not used to being ignored much because I usually can step back, without conflict, so Im at a loss. Later he replied and said it seems his position is apparently no longer avail after Feb, his mom was looking into a medical traveling company for him, things were really, really bad and he has to work all he can. I want to cook for you tonight. Aww thanks :D Youre right. Is it because cultural differences or what? Hi everyone! This text is good for one back rub, redeemable whenever and wherever. I cant tell him not to see her and if i insist on going with him would that make me seem like an overprotective gf? she notices he dsnt ask her to call him or anything. What To Do If Your Boyfriend Wants To Take A Break - YourTango At the time, I had no idea how he felt about me. . But the thing is i have yet to go MIA nor gotten unhappy because that situation has yet to happen. I am kind of in the same situation or maybe worse. later he sent her a text that he wanted to brake up. I sometimes feel like Im part of his problem but he tells me Im not. yes! There are many cases where a person might be looking for a relationship to fulfill them or make them happy when in fact they should be looking within themselves and their own life for that happiness and fulfillment. My bf also has these depression issues and cuts me off because he doesnt want to be around anyone yet he goes to his friends house and theres always a bunch of ppl there. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now. Had trying to contact him, caused him to retreat even the more. But if you are always the one doing this, your partner may feel like a receptacle for your negative emotions, she explains. In my experience, when men are under stress, they pull away. Everything was great. but then it passed.he knew jenny was there. This month was his friends wedding and he was the best man so he used to practise his speech on me and I feel he does share alot of his future plans and stuff with me things were going okay even we havent met since he got back as hes been pretty sick we still talk everyday Does Your Partner Shut Down During Arguments? - Psychology Today If I try to talk to them, I am most often met with resistance and then saying they dont want to talk about it. While being concerned for your well-being is a hallmark of a good relationship, if that concern seems to tip over into constant worry, thats a signal your partner might be feeling undue emotional stress. He told me that the family issues were still ongoing and causing a lot of stress. One of the many important elements of a relationship is satisfying and pleasing the other, she says. Get in a workout. Its because I know its nothing more to him than sex and hell move on to the next woman. Our 5 month love vs their 5 year friendship. sorry for the novel ;) seems like you get that a lot^. You don't feel understood. But he had not shut me out. Remember to take a break and eat something nourishing today! Then the last text he sent me after I was trying to get answers was this has gone completely out of control and Im at work. Ok so my bf of 5 months says hes over his ex. Or will she just continue to persist? At the end of a difficult day, it is natural to complain and 'get out' the stresses of the day, Dr. Dorfman says. Lately though, since our discussion, I tend to panic slightly when he withdraws. If he cant control himself and gives in to her that will be the end of us. Well, remember what I was saying before about guys not wanting to appear out of control or needing of help/support? He feels distant because he is overwhelmed Another reason why he starts being cold is that he is feeling smothered. He says he loves me and wants to be with me. For example, Dr. O'Reilly says you could say: Im not worried about what your friends think. Finally some common sense in the comment section! The other 300 days out of the year hes my soulmate. He is now withdrawn. I asked what was wrongand he stated how is it that I can kiss you and it feels like I never stopped kissing you.like 21 years never passed? We ended up sitting in his truck in the parking lot talking til 5am. "I try to be a source of. Later that day we walked to get my brother a birthday present, and he said, so when would you move out of your house? I assumed because hed already mentioned his desire to live with me he was inquiring because he was impatient and looking forward to my moving out. And just dont see why his stress must also stress me when I just need to know me & him are ok. What should I do? I mean he is about to lose his house, business is underwater. Youre not alone Les. It started to really invade my thinking and good judgement. So for now, I try to follow his lead. For one, Colizza says, you do want to make sure you arent word vomiting all your feelings onto your partner all the time. Most women *want* to be nurturing to the man that they really love. I didnt give this conversation much thought, because I still was under the assumption that he wanted to move in together. We spent the whole weekend together again. If they seems to be staying in touch to keep you as a backup, then it's likely that they are lacking in some self esteem when it comes to dating other people. Blow off steam with some music. we talk about school etc. He is straying from me. Fast forward to now hes been pulling away from me right after he told me he had this very lovigng dream of me and I didnt txt him for a whole week we usually would speak not everyday but majority then I realize hes depress so I never texted him I kept my composure but he did update his whatsapp status and I messaged him simply asking if he ws okay and then I said if you ever wanna talk Im here, not sure if saying that was a bad idea or not but I do lovee this guy Ive just been trying to keep my calm and be understandig but I dont know what I really should do, I just feel confused also I know his studies and work and family life is a struggle for him seeing that his dad passed away when he was a kid and he somewhat looks after his family. But in the past few days something hasnt been right between us. He is the love of my life. Its frustraiting. One thing I dont understand is, he never really works it out yet he whines to me everyday about how he wastes his days. Sasha, I must say, you are a cute one. Just be a well of admiration, appreciation, and love and give him the space to come around. I then went on holiday for 2weeks, when I came back I went into hospital for 1 week, then after that he was away for 2 weeks, so we went ages without talking. Ive been letting him have space and all he does is text me randomly hateful messages. No call, text, email, smoke signal, nothing. The texts went from every sec to barely 2 a day, I cutely asked if I could get an I love you and he responded I do love you. I try to offer support and encouragement, but he still is stressed and lately been withdrawn because he feels bad that i am going through this with him. Relationship Disenchantment | Psychology Today